Jumba's Story
by Twilit Violet
Summary: Depressed with his own meaningless existence, Jumba decides to create one last experiment... one with a far greater purpose than all of his previous experiments put together.
1. Down To Earth

Disclaimer: I do not own Lilo & Stitch or any of the characters therein.

CHAPTER ONE:  
DOWN-TO-EARTH  


__

Dr. Jumba Jookiba was a very formidable man. Idiot scientist, evil genius, maniac, schizo, lolo… these words and so many more had been used to describe him over the years, and none of them were exactly flattering. Although he had preferred the term 'evil genius' over all the rest, public opinion of him had done nothing to alleviate his feeling of being alienated from the rest of his kind. Even on Earth, a tiny backwater planet where he had gone to live in peaceful retirement, he could find no true sense of belonging. There was nothing before him, and nothing behind him either, save a few ostracizing relatives and an ex-wife who didn't understand his peculiar passions. In his own words, he was truly one of a kind… although that wasn't necessarily something to be proud of. Sure, he had been the sole creator of over six hundred different and distinctly unique experiments, many of which had been repurposed from their original destructive programming for the benefit of others, but still Dr. Jookiba could not bring himself to bask in that knowledge. He would go down in history for his triumphs as well as his crimes, but somewhere deep down inside of that massive half-ton frame, he was empty. As if all of his life's work, all of the creatures he had brought into existence, and all whose lives had been affected by this, meant nothing to him… and in a way, it was true. In not a single one of his 627 experiments had he found that missing piece his heart was still searching for, the one thing that would complete him, and help him at last to realize his true purpose in the universe… his legacy. This is Jumba's story.

* * * *

It was morning on Kauai. Saturday morning. While most of the human household lay silent in sleep, Jumba Jookiba was already up and heading down to his lab in the converted storage shed out back. He carried with him the morning paper, a box of donuts, and a thermos of coffee. The atmosphere outside was serene in the aftermath of a recent rain. Everything glistened and gleamed with the promise of springtime. A vibrant double rainbow curved across the heavens past the distant volcanoes, and when Jumba saw it, he paused, taking a long minute to admire its beauty. Of course, had anyone else been there with him, he would have feigned indifference to it. That was just his way. Although he saw the beauty and the good in most things just as plainly as those around him did, he had resolved long ago to put up an uncaring façade in order to prevent himself from becoming too deeply concerned about anything other than himself. He knew from experience that to reveal one's soft spot was to make oneself vulnerable to others, and _that_, he had decided, was too big a risk to take with _anyone_. It was this sort of reasoning that had cost him his marriage, for he had been too concerned with protecting his own emotions that he had been blind and deaf to those of his wife, Yezzy, who consequently divorced him more than a decade earlier. Not that he missed her all that much, but still, he regretted the pain he had caused her in lieu of defending himself from the same thing. 

However, now was not the time to dwell on such things. Jumba reminded himself of what he was doing and continued on down toward his lab. The rainbow's twin quickly faded, and the one that remained loomed brilliantly against the dark sky ahead of him. The sound of a twig snapping, and the faint rustling of leaves, caught Jumba's attention, and as he turned around to see who, or _what_, was following him, he gave a loud yelp and jumped backward, falling flat on his massive rear. Donuts, paper and thermos all went flying. In an instant, Jumba was back on his feet and laughing at the little green frog that had hopped out of the bushes.

"You know, for such little creature, you certainly have vay vith causing big things to happen," he told the frog as he bent over to retrieve his things. A dull pain throbbed in his backside, and he reached a hand back to rub it as he stood up straight. "Like this giant pain in my rear, for example. That's vhat you are, you know. A giant pain in rear. So like a certain experiment of mine, whom shall remain nameless. I can give you his number, if you vish to be getting together vith more of your particular kind!" Jumba yelled out these last few words as the frog hopped away toward a nearby pond. He chuckled heartily as he watched the little Earth creature go. He picked up the donut box, and found that a few donuts had fallen out on the muddy ground. "You owe me breakfast now, you hear this, slippery amphibious pond-hopper?!" he shouted, but only in jest. 

Inside of his lab, Jumba changed out of his muddy clothes and donned the white lab coat hanging up by the door. Sitting down at his workbench, he laid the newspaper, an L.A. Times, out in front of him. He helped himself to a maple bar and a large gulp of super-strong black coffee while he read the headline:

RECENT ADVANCES IN EXTRAUTERINE FETAL DEVELOPMENT PAVE WAY FOR FUTURE IN GENETIC ENGINEERING

Jumba couldn't help but chuckle at this. Humans were light years behind most of the universe as far as technology was concerned. Still in the dark ages, really. While they were wowing over emails and fax machines, Jumba's kind was developing means for telekinetic transport - something along the lines of "beam me up, Scotty!" from Star Trek, only much more complicated in parts. Normally Jumba would just scan the headlines before diving straight through to the comics. This was another thing he would never admit out loud. Garfield and The Far Side were his personal favorites, although he also enjoyed an occasional dose of Mary Worth… and _only_ an occasional dose. Besides these, he often got a good guffaw out of the horoscopes. The very notion that the positions of stars and planets during one's birth might have a special meaning or impact on one's life was ludicrous, though secretly he looked forward to reading what was in store for Taurus - _his_ sign, according to Earth calendars.

But back to the headline at hand. This morning's in particular had definitely caught his eye. Extrauterine fetal development, as the humans had dubbed it, was not news to him, although it interested him enough to read further. As far as he had known, Earthlings, especially mammals, could only reproduce by primitive means - with the females carrying the unborn fetus and then giving birth to it. It was only very, very recently that humans had begun to work out a means of developing the fetus _outside_ of the uterus - indeed, outside of the _body_ completely. Although it had only been tested with primates, and it was still in its hypothetical stage, it was beginning to look very promising. In his own neck of the universe, extrauterine fetal development had been going on long before Jumba was even born, and many of his own experiments had been created that way. As he neared the end of the article, he sighed, shaking his head rather sadly for this pathetic human attempt. He had to admit they were on the right track, but by the look of things, they still had a long way to go. And what of it then? Perhaps the humans would use this new technology to repopulate some endangered species, if they weren't already thinking of using it to repopulate themselves. He'd heard too many sob stories on the daytime talk shows about couples wanting children of their own, but were unable to conceive, and then going to great lengths to have them by any means - test tubes, surrogate mothers, artificial insemination - any means, except adoption. 

Jumba snorted at the thought. Humans! The farthest thing from an endangered species. Six billion and counting! Why do they feel the need to add more to an already crumbling planet? Sometimes, he really hated humans. They were all so shallow, so reckless… not caring about anything except for their instant gratification. He didn't blame other alien races for loathing them, either. Just look at the type of reception they received every time they landed on this primitive little planet! And as if _that _weren't enough, human society was practically an anarchy compared to his own. No wonder they didn't take kindly to aliens… they couldn't even get along with themselves! Whenever Jumba started to think like this, he kicked himself mentally, then forced himself to look at the humans who had adopted him into their family. No, not all humans were that way, and certainly not Nani and Lilo… or David… or Cobra… and he knew there were more than that. Why, he even remembered an elderly woman he had met at one of the local cafes when he had first come to Earth to capture Stitch. She was very pleasant, with a grandmotherly affect to her, and not even once did she seem amused or confused by his "alienness." She simply treated him with all the respect she should want for herself. Jumba had been quite surprised to hear The Golden Rule in a place like this, even if it was very rarely adhered to. But he remembered the old lady's warmth, even _felt_ it, as they laughed heartily over their tropical drinks and exchanged stories. They talked for nearly two hours before the woman noticed the time and hurried to pay her bill and leave. On the way out, she had passed by his table again, thanking him for a lovely time. Jumba had blushed at this, and tried to return the compliment, but the English words had failed him for a moment and he had begun to babble incoherently in his native tongue. The woman had giggled, and thanked him again, saying "If only there were more people like _you_, sir… the world would be a better place for people like _me_, and I've seen a lot in my day. I've met so many people, held so many conversations, like the one we just had, and very few of them were ever worth remembering. Then someone like _you_ comes along, and I _do_ remember: there's still some good in the heart of humanity. While most of us are so out-of-this-world, I must say you are very down-to-Earth. Thank God for that." And then she was gone. 

Jumba never saw the old woman again after that, although he was certain that he would never forget her. Very few people had ever had such a powerful effect on him as she had. She had caused him to stop and think, and for an evil genius with very little time to spare for thoughts unrelated to science, this was saying something. But then, if everything was a form of science, then what she had said to him was also science… science in its strangest, deepest, and most powerful form. It was something he could barely even begin to comprehend, and even at that he was overwhelmed by the implications of it. And he had been so amused by that saying: "Down-to-Earth," as if it were a compliment. _Funny ideas these humans have, _he thought with a smile, then turned the pages over to the comics.

__

* * * *

Whew! Well, whaddaya think of that? I'm probably biting off way more than I can chew by attempting to handle two fics at once here. BTW, for those of you who don't know, I'm also writing "Pleakley's Story," (Pretty obvious, judging by my pathetic choice of titles, huh?) Anywho, I'm going to do my best, or at least a half-assed job of it, in order to bring you frequent updates on both stories simultaneously. Thanx for reading!!!


	2. What's Science Got To Do With It?

Disclaimer: I do not own Lilo & Stitch or any of the characters therein.

CHAPTER TWO:  
WHAT'S SCIENCE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

It was about ten o'clock in the morning by the time Jumba came back up from his lab. Everyone was awake now, sitting at the kitchen table attempting to eat the undercooked poached eggs on toast that Pleakley had prepared. When Jumba waddled past them all on his way to the living room, Pleakley popped up in front of him and leaned in very close to his face, sniffing. Jumba shoved him back.

"I am not liking giant one eyeball in my face so early in morning!" he grumbled, trying to step around the smaller alien.

"I smell donuts on you, mister! Donuts and coffee!" Pleakley scolded, wagging a finger in his face. "I bought those donuts and made that coffee myself to avoid making breakfast, which I had to make anyway because SOMEBODY made off with them while I went out to get the paper, which, by the way, WAS ALREADY GONE!!!"

"Really?" Jumba asked innocently, trying to conceal the newspaper behind his back. "I thought donuts vere token of appreciation or something. And coffee vas plentiful. I only filled my thermos vith it."

"Actually," said Lilo, getting up from the table, "Stitch drank the rest. He's out somewhere with Sparky working it off."

"Aha! See? I didn't take ALL the coffee!"

"But you took all the donuts!" Pleakley yelled. "And you didn't even leave a crumb! And I bet you're still hungry, aren't you?"

Jumba glanced at the table, at all the half-empty plates of food. "Vell, actually -"

"Forget it! No more fatty delicious Earth food for you! You need to go on a diet! I mean, just look at you! If you hadn't destroyed this house and then rebuilt it to suit your needs, you wouldn't even be able to fit through the front door!"

Here Jumba looked offended. "Excuse me, little anorexic offspring of a beanpole, but I am not in need of dieting in order to lose veight! I am considered in excellent shape for man of my species, and might I be adding, very attractive to the ladies." he said this with great pride and Lilo giggled. "Furthermore, I am not -"

"Look! A UFO!" Lilo shouted, and Jumba spun around looking frantic.

"Vhere?"  
Lilo giggled again, then poked a pudgy finger into the alien's bulbous middle. 

"Right there!" she told him. "Unidentified FAT object!"

"Lilo!" Nani said reprovingly, though she was hiding a smile.

"Well, it's true!" Lilo pointed out. "And just like a _real_ UFO, you can never get a clear picture of it!"

Pleakley snickered and Jumba gave a very sarcastic laugh. "Yes, _very_ funny fat joke, little insignificant Earth girl. My sides are splitting. And _you_ -" he rounded on Pleakley, "you von't be laughing vhen I make your skinny stick-body to hula through drainpipe!!!" 

And he stalked off into the living room. Lilo returned to the table and Pleakley followed Jumba to yell at him some more.

* * * *

Alone in his bedroom an hour later, Jumba reread the front page article of the newspaper. At the end of it he sighed, pondering what the success of such an experiment would mean to humanity. He thought it very unlikely that they would use their newfound capabilities wisely. In his own opinion, humans were not ready for extrauterine fetal development. Heck, they could barely handle their current technology without bungling things up. Take nuclear weapons, for example. And the internet. There was always someone getting hurt by fallout or hackers with viruses. Always _something_ going wrong… and all at the hands of these erect, five-fingered graduates from the ape kingdom. Again Jumba would have to punish himself for such negative thoughts, and remind himself that there _was_ some good in the heart of humanity - just like the old woman in the café had shown him. 

Slowly, he turned his four eyes to look out the window. Just past a grove of tropical trees and a handful of houses was the ocean, shimmering almost blindingly beneath the midday sun. he sighed again. _Earth IS very beautiful planet_, he admitted to himself. _Such a shame that it is all going to vaste._ He shut the blinds then and crossed the room to his bed, where he lay down heavily on it and stared up at the ceiling. For a long time he lay there thinking… about humanity… about his own kind… about himself… about all his experiments… and about everyone's place in the universe. 

__

"Vhat am I doing here?" he demanded of the ceiling. _"I don't fit in here any better than I did back on home planet. This 'family' thing is nice… is interesting change… but is not practical for man like me. I don't take family for granted, but little girl and 626 remind me too much of child I never vas…of child I never HAD. Ex-wife didn't even vant children… said childbearing vas too messy and painful… not to mention too consuming of time…I don't blame her for refusing my seed…heh, I vould have refused me myself… am not built for bearing babies, and even if I vas…" _Jumba rolled over on his side and shuddered, recalling one of the live births he had attended early on in his medical training. _"So much screaming and cursing…not to mention all the blood and amniotic fluids, gushing forth like breaking of dam!"_

It had been bad enough to witness a birth of his own species, but when it came to other, more peculiar, alien species, such as Pleakley's, he still winced a little at their memory. And yet… he sighed sadly, wishing for once that he had paid more attention to his wife, instead of pretending that he had been "too busy to come to bed" during the brief period when she had considered getting pregnant. That had been right before their marriage had crumbled completely. The final straw that had broken the old girl's back. 

_"So sorry, my lovely Yezzy. You vere right vhen you said you deserved better than me. I don't blame you for being unable to tame an evil genius… it just vasn't meant to be."_

* * * *

A little while later Nani came knocking on Jumba's door, waking him up. 

"Hey, are you okay in here?" she asked him, surprised to see him lying in bed at half past noon. Jumba grunted in response.

"Am just going through some things right now. Nothing for to vorry about, Nani-girl. Oh, and apologies for stealing donuts. Vill make it up to you, I promise, soon as I - _ahem! _- take care of a few things." He sat up slowly and yawned.

"No big deal," Nani replied. "Pleakley made us a very, umm, 'interesting' breakfast, so it's not like we went hungry or anything. I just wanted to make sure everything's alright… Oh! And to ask you if you wanted to go downtown with us. There's a classic car convention at the Birds of Paradise Hotel. Afterward we'll probably be going to Kiki's Tiki for lunch."

Jumba waved a hand at her dismissively. "Thank you, but no. I think I vould prefer nice, quiet afternoon vith myself for change."

Nani raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"Am positive, Earth niece. Primitive antique vehicle showing vill be lasting entire veekend. I can stop by it tomorrow on my vay to vork."

"But you don't work tomorrow. Terry's Transmissions is closed on Sundays, remember?"

Jumba scratched his head. "Ah, yes. Such a shame, too. I always look forward to long hours spent under greasy Earth vehicles. As for car show - I vill make sure to catch it before it's over vith. You go on ahead and enjoy, and have you no vorries about your Uncle Jumba. He is a man who is liking his solitude to be dvelling in. Is hard to explain, but sometimes -"

"That's alright," Nani sighed, turning to leave. "I understand. It's a mad scientist thing, isn't it?"

Jumba puffed out his chest, looking indignant. "I told you I prefer the term -"

"Evil genius, I know," Nani finished for him, rolling her eyes. "Same difference, anyway."

"Not necessarily," Jumba replied, sounding serious. "Solitude is having nothing to vith science. I am taking quiet time alone to visit vith very important, non-scientific thoughts. Am much more than maniacal geneticist exterior reveals. I have heart, you know, and am not appreciating this label of 'mad scientist' you give me."

At this, Nani frowned, considering his argument. After a moment she sighed irritably, then leaned against the door frame and folded her arms across her chest. 

"Okay, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Jumba, but your behavior and your actions around the house really aren't helping any. If you want people to see you as the sensitive, emotional individual you claim to be, then you need to open yourself up and show them that that's what you are, instead of hiding behind test tubes and beakers and all that other weird 'sciency' stuff you've got brewing down in your lab. That's where you are every day, from sunup to sundown, working on some crazy new experiment, and you only come back up for food and to sleep, and lately you haven't even been sleeping in your own bed. You've just been _living_ down in that lab of yours ever since you got here!" 

Nani sounded very irritated by the time she finished her speech. She had practically shouted out the last few words, although she hadn't meant to. Just like the massive four-eyed alien sitting in front of her, she always found it very hard to express herself appropriately when it came to her concern for the person she was speaking to. As with Lilo, love and sympathy usually tended to show themselves in a less-than-favorable form, like the bitterness she was now showing her 'adopted' uncle. Now, the confrontation began to grow heated, as the two stubborn Taurus' butted heads with each other.

"Vhat do you vant from me?" Jumba demanded, getting to his feet. "A flower lei and a kiss on the cheek? I am not used to expressing myself so emotionally! You know the old saying: 'you cannot teach an old trog new tricks?' Vell, that's vhat I am, old trog, who is not knowing how to show sensitivity because he vas never shown any himself!"

"Well maybe if you'd been more sensitive in the first place others would have been more sensitive to _you_!" Nani yelled, taking a few steps toward him, looking ready to fight. "Did you ever think of it that way? Or is your _genius_ mind too crowded with self-pity and quantum physics to even consider it? Maybe you'd like me to draw you a diagram so that you can understand it in scientific terms!"

"VILL YOU SHTOP VITH ALL THE SCIENTIFIC NONSENSE?!! YOU VOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND EVEN A FRACTION OF VHAT I DO, OR HOW I FEEL VHEN YOU ARE MAKING THESE ACCUSATIONS! I MAY BE A MAN OF SCIENCE, BUT I AM ALSO BEING A PERSON VITH FEELINGS VHICH ARE NOT BEING RESPECTED! THIS IS EXACTLY VHY I CAME TO THIS PLANET IN THE FIRST PLACE! TO LIVE PEACEFUL EXISTENCE VITHOUT PERSECUTION! BUT VHAT DO I GET EXCEPT EVEN MORE PERSECUTING FOR JUST BEING MYSELF! AND FROM DENSE, UNDER-EVOLVED APE-COUSIN, NO LESS!!!" 

At this, Nani gasped, throwing a hand up to cover her mouth in shock. Jumba just stared at her, equally shocked by what he had just said. Before he could say anything further, Nani recovered, and was now giving him the dirtiest of looks. She balled her hands into fists, struggling to keep them at her sides as she said in a low growl, "So, is that what you think I am? Is that how you see human beings with those four freakish eyes of yours?"

"Now just a minute -!"

"Well, since we're being totally honest with each other for once, you wanna know what I think of _you_?" Nani demanded, seething with rage. "Well, I'm not sure there's even an accurate enough word for what I'm thinking in any human language! Except maybe that thing Stitch likes to call you behind your back."

"And vhat's that?" Jumba demanded, taking a few steps closer and puffing himself up so that he towered over Nani. As if on cue, Stitch poked his head into the room and said the magic words: "Meega na la queeshta?"

Hearing them, Jumba roared "VHAT?!!" and Stitch took off just as quickly as he had appeared.

"Is _that_ vhat you think of me, pathetic little Earth girl?"

Nani simply smiled at him and nodded. Jumba was livid. 

"Vhy, that is ten times vorse than vhat I said about _you_!" he told her.

"Is it really?" Nani asked him, sounding almost bored with the argument. "Personally, I don't think it really matters what level of insult you use. It's the feelings behind them that give them their power to hurt others, and what_ you_ said about _me_ hurts a lot worse than you can imagine!"

"DON'T start your accusing-me-of-being-insensitive garbage again, because THAT hurts _me_ even _more!!!_" Jumba shouted.

"Well, how the hell do you know that?" Nani demanded, getting in his face. "If you REALLY knew what it felt like to be called a - a- _retarded monkey_ or whatever you said, and by a four-eyed monster who thinks he's so superior to you, then you wouldn't be such an unfeeling dick and we wouldn't even be having this argument!!!" 

This time it was Jumba's turn to gasp. He stood there, staring face-to-face with her for only a moment before all the anger exploded out of him and he shouted "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!" before pushing her roughly out the door and slamming it shut with such force that several picture frames fell off the wall surrounding it and a patch of plaster cracked and dropped from the ceiling above. Breathing heavily, Jumba leaned against the door and sat down on the floor, covering his face with his hands. Down the hall he could hear hurried footsteps, both alien and human, growing louder as they rushed to see what was happening. He heard Lilo asking her sister if someone had just been murdered, and Pleakley asking in a shaky voice if she was alright. Nani's response, whatever it was, was too quiet for him to decipher. 

"If that monster laid so much as a finger on you -" Pleakley was saying loudly, and Jumba's heart wrenched painfully as he thought about how hard he had shoved her. For a creature of his strength, it wouldn't have taken very much for him to have caused her some serious injuries, and the very idea that he might have hurt Nani physically was too much to even think about just then. Just knowing that he had hurt her emotionally was enough to bring him near tears, which he was now fighting back as he listened to the footsteps and voices of his ohana fade away into the distance.

* * * *

Exciting little cliff-hanger there, dontcha think? Their first argument! (Wipes away a tear) Anyway, I think I'm finally on a roll now with this take on Jumba's life. Lots more to come. (Puts on ridiculous-sounding Russian accent) Thanx for reading and please to be reviewing story!!!


	3. A Life Without Purpose

Disclaimer: I do not own Lilo & Stitch or any of the characters therein.

CHAPTER THREE:  
A LIFE WITHOUT PURPOSE

__

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose." - Robert Byrne

It would be very late in the evening before Nani and the others returned home, Jumba was certain of that. In the meantime, he had mixed feelings about this extended solitude. Part of him was immensely relieved, but a larger part of him dreaded the state of being alone, for to him it was a scientific fact that prolonged exposure to one's self without the intervention of others inevitably caused one to go insane. Because of this reasoning, he was quite impressed with his own mental stability, for even though he had never been _completely_ alone, he had had to endure long hours of deep, self-inflicted contemplation in the absence of company… the kind of thoughts that often drove one to suicide. Still, now was not the time to be dwelling on himself. He had hurt someone, and not just anyone for that matter. He had hurt Nani: his friend, his family, and his 'niece.' The thought of the pain he had caused her hurt _him_, and for both their sakes he wanted to do something to end this misery. He loved Nani very much, though hardly a thing he had said or done since moving in with her would have indicated that. Simple apologies would never be enough to reverse the damages he had caused; neither would an outright admission of his true feelings for her. In spite of what _he_ had done to _her_, _she_ had also hurt _him_, and he couldn't forget that so easily. They had both been so insensitive to each other, and yet Jumba could not bring himself to be angry with her anymore. There had been a stinging truth to her words, a truth that burned even more intensely once they had been given the opportunity to sink in. 

The hours came and went, and when Jumba finally bothered to open the blinds and look outside, dusk was already starting to settle in over Kauai. A few minutes later he emerged from his room with a scrap of paper bearing a hastily scrawled note in his hands. In the kitchen, he attached the note to the refrigerator with a red letter J magnet before heading out the back door to his lab.

* * * *

It was a quarter to eleven by the time Nani and the others got back from town. As soon as they walked in the door, Lilo and Stitch made a beeline for Jumba and Pleakley's room, carrying between them a basket full of pineapples and ham as a peace offering, even though they knew that the argument that had taken place earlier hadn't concerned them in the least. Pleakley ran ahead of them and stopped in front of the door with his arms out as if to block them from going in.

"Hold it right there, you two!" he said sternly. "You can't just barge into MY - and Jumba's - room without asking! Especially after what happened in there earlier. For all we know, that big jerk-head in there could still be in a bad mood! What do you think he'll say when you dump a big basket of stereotypical Hawaiian delicacies in his lap? 'Thank you kindly, and please tell your sister I'm sorry?'"

Lilo appeared to be thinking. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Pleakley grabbed the basket from her and frowned. "Not very likely! Besides, he stole my donuts, and I can't forgive that so easily." Then he made a very rude gesture at the bedroom door before waddling off to the kitchen with the food.

"So, Jumba's still in there sulking, huh?" Nani asked him as he set the basket up on the table. Pleakley grunted in response as he took the ham out and headed toward the fridge with it. Nani sighed and shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

"I guess I shouldn't have said all those things about him being insensitive," she mumbled, and Pleakley turned around sharply to face her, a look of disbelief in his eye.

"B-but he IS insensitive!" he argued, setting the ham back down and draping a slender arm over her shoulder. 

"He called you a monkey's cousin, and as I understand it, that's not very complimentary to most humans."

At this, Nani sighed even more deeply. "Yes, well, I probably went a little too far myself when I called him a - what was that phrase again, Stitch?"

From the living room, a bluish-gray ball rolled into the kitchen and popped open with a resounding "Meega na la queeshta!" that made Pleakley gasp and fling his hands up to cover his non-existent ears.

"Oh, yeah," said Nani, smiling at him. "Thanks. You certainly helped me get my point across… even if that point was just a little too sharp."

Pleakley's arm around Nani's shoulder tightened as he pulled her into a little embrace. "Hey, I'm sure he's been called a lot worse. With a reputation like his, he should be used to it by now. He's really doing all this to himself, you know, so don't feel too bad that you told him his fat head so closely resembles a fresh, stinking pile of trog dung that someone just recently had intercourse with."

Nani looked horrified. "Oh my God! Is THAT what that means?!! No wonder he was so pissed off!!!"

Pleakley gave her a weak smile and said, "Hey, to me that's no worse than him calling you a monkey's cousin, and by the way, the next time he says that, you tell him that that makes _him_ a monkey's uncle! Then we'll see how well he takes _that _news, eh?" He tried to chuckle at his joke, but it was hopeless. Nani was still too upset about her first falling-out with Jumba to laugh at his expense. Pleakley decided it best just to leave her alone with her thoughts, so he picked up the ham again and took it to the fridge. He had just placed it inside when he saw the note on the door.

"Hey, Nani, look at this!"

"What is it?" she asked as he brought the note over to the table for her to see.

He scanned the message, a distant look in his eye as he tried to interpret his roommate's erratic handwriting. "I don't think Jumba's here right now," he said in a voice just as distant. He continued to read. "And I don't think he's coming back… ever."

"What are you talking about?" Nani demanded, seizing the note out of his hands and reading it for herself.

__

"Dear Earth family, and dearest Nani in particular, 

I am sorry for way I am, and for way I have been, and for way I always will be, however there is no changing a man as stubborn as myself is. It was never my intention to bring with me this stubbornness and insensitive nature of mine into your home. I wish with all my heart that I could say I give up this Mr. Hyde persona, and consent to be quiet Dr. Jeckyll once and for all, but to do so would only be breaking of promise, for I cannot give this side of myself up without giving up the ghost as well. Again, I apologize, and retire now to better place, for a life without purpose defeats purpose of having a life in the first place.

Love to you all, my only ohana

Dr. Jumba Jookiba

P.S. Please do not be going down to lab… is frightfully messy, and I would not want to upset you all further by having to look at it."

Nani reread the letter, her eyes widening in horror at his written words. She looked up at Pleakley, his large, singular eye reflecting the anxiety in her own. 

"Oh, God, Pleakley… do you have any idea what this means?"

He nodded his head slowly, biting his lower lip to keep it from trembling. In a flash, Nani jumped up from the table and bolted out the back door, screaming Jumba's name as she went. Lilo and Stitch heard her scream and came rushing into the kitchen. Pleakley, who was still at the table, turned and caught them both before they made it to the back door. Stitch struggled furiously and Lilo protested, but Pleakley pulled them both as close to himself as possible and whispered to them in a frightened voice "It's okay! It's alright! Just don't go outside! Whatever happens, do NOT go down to the shed! Stay here with me. With **Aunt Wendy**. Everything's going to be just - _fine_!" He choked on his last word and began to sob. Lilo and Stitch looked at each other over the alien's skinny arms and shrugged.

Nani's thick boots pounded furiously over the muddy ground as she ran down the dark trail toward Jumba's lab. Her heart was pounding even louder in her ears as she prayed "Please don't be dead, please don't be dead, please don't be dead…" In moments she had reached the little clearing where the shed stood, it's corrugated metal roof and weather stripping gleaming eerily in the moonlight with remnants of the afternoon's rain. Without pausing for breath she flung herself against the door and beat her fists against it, screaming "Jumba! Jumba! Let me in! Please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Please don't be dead! PLEASE!!!" 

Suddenly light-headed, Nani stopped, leaning heavily against the door until she slid down its smooth surface to the ground, where she sat panting painfully and sobbing. "No," she whispered, laying a throbbing hand against the cold metal sheet covering the door. "No…" she sobbed even harder, feeling her hot tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. Suddenly, she heard a faint clink inside the shed, like the sound of a lock being turned, and the next thing she knew, the door was opening and she was falling over the threshold and onto the cold cement floor of Jumba's lab. 

"Nani?" 

Nani sat up and rubbed her eyes frantically. Jumba was standing over her, one hand on the door and the other hand buried deeply in the pocket of his lab coat. Her heart soared at the sight of him. Taking his hand off the door, Jumba reached down to help her up. Nothing but the deepest concern shown in his four eyes just then as he regarded her.

"Nani, are - are you alright?" he asked softly, his voice sounding genuinely worried. Nani quickly wiped away the last races of her tears and nodded, then threw her arms around him and whispered, "I am now." 

Jumba hesitated before returning the hug, keeping the one hand in his coat pocket as he did so. He patted her back soothingly, and she started to sob again.

"God, Jumba, I thought you were… you were…" but she couldn't say it.

"Vhat, did you think I ran away?" he asked her, stepping back and looking her in the face. "I left note on refrigerator for you to find. Am not good vith apologies, so I wrote heartfelt letter and came down to lab until you forgive me for being big bastard."

Nani smiled appreciatively and hugged him again. "I forgive you, Uncle Jay, and I'm sorry, too!"

Jumba chuckled. "Fine. But I was all ready to stay down here in lab in case you didn't. I've got two year supply of dehydrated foodstuffs and good-sized pond out back… as you can see, I planned ahead for this sort of thing. Oh yes, and am vorking on turning lab into fallout shelter also, in case of nuclear attack."

"You think of everything, don't you?" Nani asked him fondly. "Except how to write a decent apology letter. I thought it was a suicide note!"

At this, Jumba laughed. "My apologies again! I am not realizing my own strength vhen it comes to writing! I only vanted letter to sound as sincere as possible."

Nani raised an eyebrow. "So, did you mean it? The apology, I mean? Because if this is just some lame excuse to weasel your way back into my heart, I gotta tell you… it already worked. And I hope you do mean it, because I meant it when I said I was sorry for the things I said to _you_. We were both being dicks… not just you, and I hope we can put this whole thing behind us and be ohana again."

The look Jumba gave her just then was the kindest she had ever seen in the large alien. "Of course ve can, Nani. Of course ve can." And they hugged each other once more.

"Well, we'd better get back up to the house before Pleakley tears the place apart. He's the one who found the note, you know."

"Ah, yes," Jumba replied, looking preoccupied all of a sudden. He took a step backward into his lab. "Ehh, listen. You go on ahead. Tell him I'm alive and vell, and I vill be up in a few minutes myself to prove it."

"Why don't I just wait right here for you?" Nani asked him. "Then we can go back up together. It's very dark, and I didn't bring a flashlight."

Jumba retreated further into his lab, not turning his back on her for a second. His right hand remained firmly planted in his pocket the whole time.

"Ehh, actually… No. Not a good idea for you to vait. I, uh, have some things to take care of in here. Nasty things. _Dangerous _things, even. Things that are best kept in secret classification for time being…" he started to shut the door, but Nani stopped it with her boot and forced her way inside.

__

"Oh, no. I'm not going back up to the house alone," she told him. "As your landlady, I need to run a check on this place… see what kind of nasty, _dangerous_ things you're harboring on my property…" her voice adopted the sneaky tone of her sister as she said this. Glancing around, she saw nothing out of the ordinary… a long table piled with beakers and vials filled with chemicals… a ten foot high bookcase crammed with books and some science instruments… a Bunsen burner on another table… cabinets filled with dehydrated food, specimens swimming in formaldehyde, and God knows what else… and a large, empty, fifty gallon fish tank sitting on the floor in one corner. As Nani looked around the room, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Jumba pulled his hand out of his pocket, extracting a small glass vial, then turning toward the counter to stow it in the cupboard. She whipped around suddenly to see what it was and startled him. Jumba jumped back_, _dropping the vial. It landed on the counter, then rolled off and shattered on the floor. A white, slimy-looking ooze splattered over the cement. 

"What the -?"

"Dammit!" Jumba swore, frowning down at the mess. "That vas not easy acquiring sample!" he snapped at Nani, searching the lower cupboards for something to clean it up. He found a small dustpan and handheld broom, but refrained from using the latter as he attempted to scrape it up with the dustpan, grumbling profanities in his native tongue as he did so.

"What _was _that stuff?" Nani asked curiously, not bothering to apologize. Jumba stood up straight and said "Is none of your business, that's vhat!" before turning to dump it in the garbage can. Nani took a step back in surprise. Jumba seemed extremely agitated by this, but after he went over to the sink to wash his hands, he appeared remarkably calmer.

"Apologies once more, Earth girl," he sighed. "That vas something you vere not meant to be seeing. That vas - how do I put it? - very _personal_ fluid sample, and not always so easy to obtain, if you get vhat I mean? Eh?" 

He gave her a suggestive sideways glance that made her stomach squirm.

"Oh!" she blushed. "Oh, you mean it was s- Oh. Uhhh… okay. Wow." Nani shifted uncomfortably at the thought of it. "Well, ummm… I'm s-sorry I made you drop it, then. I was just wondering what it was you were hiding and - wow. I'm really sorry, though."

Jumba chuckled, amused by her embarrassment. He waved a hand dismissively and told her, "Is okay, Nani! Is no big deal, really! I have plenty more vhere that came from, and I shamefully admit that I look forward to acquiring new sample! Heh- heh! I should perhaps be thanking you, then!"

He reached out a hand to pat her shoulder, but Nani avoided it.

"That's - okay, really! You don't have to thank me." She eyed his hand suspiciously as she edged towards the door. Jumba noticed this and looked slightly offended by it.

"Vhat is wrong vith touching, all of a sudden? I vashed my hands!"

"Oh, there's nothing wrong… I just think it's time we went back up to the house… don't you?"

"I think… _you_ go. Tell everyone I'm fine, and not to be coming down to lab for rest of the night. If they should ask, just tell them I am vorking overtime, and only you and I vill know the truth of it!" He gave her a wink as he picked up an empty vial from a rack on the counter.

"Okayyyyy…" Nani replied, edging further way from him, but not turning her back on him until she was outside of the shed. Just as he was closing the door, she stopped, then turned to him with an odd expression on her face.

"Umm, Jumba, if you don't mind my asking… what exactly do you need that - _ahem!_ - sample for?"

"Sorry, my dear. Is top secret, like most goings-on in this lab." He flashed her a crooked smile before wishing her goodnight and locking the door.

* * * *

Hmmmmmmm… that was interesting, now, wasn't it? Creepy, yet oddly interesting…

Regarding **Aunt Wendy** for a moment… well, anyone who saw that episode of "Lilo and Stitch" with experiment 032 "Fibber" should know what I'm talking about. And for those of you who didn't, I'm just gonna spoil it for you and tell you right now that Pleakley's first name is actually Wendy! I'm still LMAO about that! I just thought that was the most hilarious thing when his relatives revealed his true name to Nani and the gang. And BTW, I LOVE that name for him! Please don't ask me why… I've been asking myself that and apparently I'm not about to crack. I actually like it a lot better than the name I made up for him: Pleakley Nn-Llewellyn-Xinth-Vay (this is in my other story, "Pleakley's Story") … so did anyone else here see that episode on November 7th? Tell me what you thought of it… personally I'm still in 'stitches' over it!!! (Please pardon the pun!) Oh, and big thanx to WeyrdChic for the opening quote!


	4. Spring Break

Disclaimer: I do not own "Lilo & Stitch" or any of the characters therein.

CHAPTER FOUR:  
SPRING BREAK

When Jumba did not come up for breakfast the next morning, Lilo wanted to go down to the lab and check on him, but Nani told her that might not be such a good idea. When asked why, Nani blushed, remembering the night before.

"Because he's got… some very important… _samples_ to collect," she told her, picking her words carefully because she couldn't tell her the truth, but did not want to lie to her own sister, either. "…And he really shouldn't be bothered until after he's… done." That last word caught in her throat and she gagged a little on it. Lilo, however, was not to be put off by this excuse not to go pester her 'uncle.'

"Maybe I can help him!" she said thoughtfully, and Nani paled.

"No, no, Lilo, you'd better just stay up here for now and wait till he comes up for lunch. Jumba gave specific orders not to be disturbed right now, and you know how grumpy he gets when you disobey him."

"He's really not so bad," Lilo said as she turned to go into the living room. "At least he's never called ME a monkey's cousin… probably because I don't resemble one as much as YOU do!"

Nani growled as Lilo disappeared down the hall.

"So, what's the old groobler up to down there?" Pleakley asked from the sink where he was busy washing dishes. Nani, who was sitting at the table, got up to get another cup of coffee. 

"Oh, just the usual top-secret perverted stuff," she told him, draining the coffeepot and returning to the table.

"Perverted?" Pleakley turned and gave her a curious look.

Nani hesitated. "Umm, yeah, you know… all that… mysterious stuff he does while we're not looking. Shameful things, most likely." She stopped herself before she could let slip the hair-raising secret she knew. Pleakley finished up the dishes and pulled up a chair, sitting down opposite her.

"Oh, you mean that stuff he does at night when he thinks we're all asleep. I gotcha!" He gave her a wink and a smirk that told her more than she needed to know. "I never say anything, though. I just go right on pretending I'm asleep. I know I would just die of embarrassment if someone found out I was - umm - well - you know," Pleakley blushed pink. "And I'm not saying I actually DO that sort of thing, because I DON'T, but just for the record, I can _imagine_ how embarrassed I'd be if anyone knew that I was, which I'm _not_, but - you get the picture. And THAT'S why I don't yell at him to get his own room or learn some self-control!"

Nani stared wide-eyed at the alien sitting across from her, looking very much like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. 

"So… are you saying he does this every night?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't say _every_ night…" Pleakley blushed again. "It used to be only on rare occasions, but _lately_ he's been flogging the ol' trog just about every chance he gets! I think he misses his ex-wife, Yeti."

"Yezzy," Nani corrected him.

"Right. I mean, he talks about her in his sleep, and I think he keeps a picture of her under his mattress, along with a few other questionable items I needn't mention. Personally, I think he just misses females in general."

Pleakley's eye twitched at the thought of his roommate's 'magazine collection' which, besides all the ones he had brought with him from Turo, actually included one that featured Earth women. Jumba's explanation for that had been simple and quickly devised: As a geneticist, he was merely interested in them as a sort of study guide for human anatomy, and nothing more. When Pleakley had asked him why he didn't have any magazines with _men _in them, he had an explanation for that as well. "There are plenty of men pictured in Earth magazine. You see three vith this voman right here!" and the image he had held up for Pleakley to see still haunted the one-eyed alien from time to time.

"Well, so long as you already know about it, I'm going to let you in on a little secret," Nani said, dropping her voice and cupping a hand around one side of her mouth. She paused for a moment, giving a quick sideways glance toward the living room, making sure that certain sets of ears weren't listening.

"When I went down there last night, he was -ummm - well, I think you can guess what he was up to down there. In his lab, I mean. Now, I didn't walk in on anything, because he was - _ahem _- already finished, but he had this little glass vial with his - his - _stuff_ inside. I couldn't believe he was actually _saving _it! He wouldn't tell me what for, though. Now, don't you think that's a little bizarre, even for _him_?"

Pleakley looked at her, an expression of mild disgust mixed with fascination on his face. "Well, normally I'd say nothing's too bizarre for Jumba, and I know the kinds of things he does to amuse himself, but THAT was way more than I needed to know about him!!!" He got up from the table and waddled off toward the living room. "Oh, and thanks for ruining my Sunday!" he shouted back over his shoulder to Nani.

* * * *

The sun was setting by the time Jumba came back to the house, though he did not come up from the direction of his lab. Instead, he came bursting through the front door, a look of triumph on his face as he laughed loudly and stumbled toward the couch, which he fell upon with such force that two of its legs gave in. He was making such a ruckus that Pleakley came stomping out of the kitchen in the middle of preparing a soufflé in order to shut him up. What he saw sitting on the broken sofa made his jaw drop. Jumba was wearing a grass skirt, three or four flower leis around his neck, and no shirt, and there was a circular target painted over his bulbous stomach in red paint, and he was covered in remnants of raw eggs and various produce. He put his massive feet up and reclined on the couch, still chuckling to himself as he picked up the remote and began flipping channels on the TV. The urge to yell at him drained quickly from Pleakley's mind, and now as he approached him nervously he caught a strong whiff of tequila and frowned. His courage returning once more, Pleakley planted himself firmly in front of Jumba, obscuring his view of _Jeopardy! _and demanded to know where he'd been all day. Jumba glared up at him stupidly, trying to come up with a smart-sounding answer.

"Uuhhh… Vhat is 'Spring Break?'" he said at last. Pleakley looked puzzled.

"In form of question, because Alex Trebek says so!" he explained, motioning for him to move aside so he could watch the show. But Pleakley refused to budge.

"Oh, no! You're not giving me this 'Spring Break' thing as an excuse to just crash on that couch and expect me to chew your food for you! I slaved all day over a hot stove, and this is the thanks I get?!! While you were out partying, I had to sort through a huge pile of YOUR dirty unmentionables, mop up all the mud you tracked all over the kitchen floor, and keep your little monster at bay so I could prepare dinner without him rolling around like a bowling ball trying to knock me over the whole time!!!" 

Pleakley was panting a little by the time he had finished ranting. Jumba looked at him blearily and smiled at his friend's disguise. He was wearing a green and lavender flowered muumuu covered by a pink apron that said "Kiss the Cook" on the front, and a blonde wig of long, wavy hair, which now sat very crookedly on top of his head. He even had makeup on. Jumba reached up and cupped a massive hand behind the smaller alien's back, pulling him down until he was almost on top of him.

"Vhat a sveetheart, you're doing all this for to please me! I know someone who is getting mink coat for her birthday now! Heh-heh!!!" With his other fat arm he reached over to give Pleakley noogies, knocking his wig off in the process. After one hell of a struggle, he managed to wriggle out of his grasp and then snatch his wig back.

"Dammit, Jumba, stop kidding around! You're drunk… no, your worse than drunk… you're plastered! I could smell you a mile away! Why, I wouldn't doubt it if you drank all the booze at Spring Break! No wonder they painted a target on you! Did they throw anything useful your way? Like brains, maybe? 'Cuz it's obvious you're lacking some right now, or at least you will be if you keep drinking like this!"

Jumba managed to hoist himself into a sitting position, and he laughed heartily as he pulled Pleakley down to sit on the cushion next to him, patting his back rather roughly.

"Heh-heh… so nice of you to care about evil genius! Oh, and by the vay, I brought back a little souvenir for pretend wife! Now, vhere did I put it? Hmmm…" he ran his hands over himself as he searched for said item. Pleakley folded his arms angrily and turned away.

"The way you're dressed right now, it's not like there's very many places it could be, so don't bother."

"AHA! _Here_ it is! In perfect condition, no less!" he leaned away from Pleakley as he pulled a brightly-colored bikini top out from under himself. Pleakley stared at it in disbelief as he dropped the garment in his lap.

"There you go! Add it to your collection of vomen's clothing. I'd give you the bottom part that goes vith it, but voluptuous beach girl only tossed me top part! Heh! Such vild parties these humans throw, eh? You should have been there. You could do vith loosening up."

"Sorry, _dude,_ but that's not my scene!" Pleakley growled angrily, picking up the bikini top with the tips of his fingers and holding it out in front of him as if it were filthy. He got up off the couch and headed down the hall toward his room, still holding it up in front of him. Nani passed him on her way to the living room, then glanced back at him over her shoulder, unsure what to think. When she saw Jumba on the couch, watching _Jeopardy!_, it was her turn to flip out and place herself in front of the TV.

"Where the hell have you been?!" she demanded, looking him over disapprovingly.

"You ever heard of Spring Break? Good place to go for to hang loose. You vould have had blast vith all the other topless Earth girls on beach."

At this, Nani narrowed her eyes at him and growled threateningly.

"Hey, you like souvenir I give Pleakley? I got you one also, but is probably wrong size. I just take vhatever's thrown my vay. That is how I got men's speedos vhich I am vearing right now! Tricky part vas putting them on in middle of limbo contest. Heh-heh."

Nani sighed and shook her head, looking thoroughly disgusted with her 'uncle.'

"Aye-aye-aye, Jumba… what am I going to do with you?"

Still sauced, Jumba gave her a sloppy smile and shrugged, looking as innocent as can be.

"If there's something going on with you, I wish you'd just open yourself up to us and tell me what it is, instead of disappearing for hours on end and coming home plastered up to the ceiling."

"Is nothing wrong, Nani dear. Is just living a little!"

"Yeah, well the way you've been living lately it sounds like you have a death wish. But since I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to yell at you, I'm just going to assume you're suffering from some kind of mid-life crisis and leave you to it for now."

Just then the doorbell rang. Jumba cringed at the sound

"Oohhh… please to be turning down volume on that blasted device!" he groaned, rubbing his temples. Nani went to answer it, and Jumba could hear David's voice as he asked if he could come in. Nani told him it wasn't a good idea, and tried to block his view of Jumba lying on the couch. She insisted that they leave on their 'not-a-date' immediately, and as the door closed after them, Jumba shouted "Don't vorry about little girl and 626! They are being in good hands! Clean hands, might I add! And don't vorry about Vendy! He's just got the PMS again! Heh-heh-heh!"


End file.
